How To Be Rid of All Your Problems

Never have another problem the rest of your life. You, too, can be like so many others who have found out how to live problem-free lives(yah,like you really believe that one). Lack of money? No problem. No job? No problem.

The secret--as so many politicians, administrators and leaders have found--is to call a problem by a different name. It's now called an issue.

One of the great political talents is to take a problem, and the resultant decisions that have to be made, side-step it, and avoid any real personal work.

Problems are things that need to be solved, fixed, or cared for in some way. Issues are things that need to be talked about, discussed, or put off for another day. Problems demand action. Issues do not.

By simply changing a problem into an issue, we can ignore the need to do something. For example: there is a sink full of dishes. They have been there for six weeks and there is a big stink emanating from the kitchen. A true politician would say that the stink is not a problem...the stink is an issue, and as we now know issues are things that are resolved by others.

First to help resolve this issue is the air quality expert who will sample the air quality--this expert probably charges four hundred dollars for this service. He can tell you the best sprays to use or the best "odor eater" machine to invest in--something that sells for about two thousand dollars.

Next we will need a "mold expert" from the local university to tell us how best to treat the resultant mold issue that surrounds the said dishes. This expert, being just graduated, is a steal at only two hundred dollars. He will tell of the correct powders to sprinkle on the mold to make it go away. Cost of the powder is eighteen dollars.

Next, we call in the local "Board of Health" so that they may certify that the said dishes are safe the way they are and that no further action is required. Cost of inspection: thirty dollars. Cost of certificate: fifteen dollars.

The dishes are fine sitting in the sink. What was once a problem of dishes in the sink has been resolved by making an issue of it--all without dealing with the problem.

As we can plainly see, problems can be avoided by not referring to them as such (problems demand action). Issues require input and action from others--if any action is taken at all.

So, if we are to emulate our leadership and the best political minds of our time, we need to focus on the issues and never mind those pesky problems.

And now you know the secret of how things work and how politicians get things done. It doesn't get any more American than that.